Every marriage, not matter how long it lasts, has its difficulties. We hear very often not very promising statistics about the divorce rates in different countries. It doesn’t look good everywhere. What if you are married, or in a stable long-term relationship and you don’t want to end up at the end of the list of that statistics?
Well, be prepared to work on your marriage! Nothing is easy to achieve in life. Especially, good things.
Maybe, the following advice will sound too familiar to you. But believe me, there is nothing new to say. Just the old stuff. Still, let’s consider the recommendations, we already know, and ask ourselves if we are actually doing those things to keep our marriage afloat.
1. Compromise! Compromise! Compromise!
Yes, this is the most important thing in marriage. You should be able to back off sometimes and let the other half have their way. It doesn’t mean that you are weak, or that they are right. It means having peace instead of fight. Think about how often your spouse actually agrees with you in a fight. It doesn’t happen that much, I suppose. So, there is no point in arguing when there are two people and both are right in their own way. But peace is crucial. Consider that your partner might also value and appreciate your effort to keep the peace in the house. Even if they don’t tell you so.
2. Don’t try to change your partner
Especially women tend to do so. You have actually no right to do so because it means that you have power over a person. Who gave you that power? Would you like if someone would do the same to you? I don’t think so. And besides, it seldom works. If you want, say, that your husband would collect the things scattered every day on the floor in his room and he doesn’t want to, what would be the result? He would be mad or ignorant, at best. Instead you should try to pay attention to other aspects of your relationship that need more emphasis. Or, maybe, put the things away yourself – it matters only to you, after all. I often heard that when women succeeded in changing their husband they were not so happy with the result. Maybe, it’s because the men became weak and turned into complete children, when they have to ask the “mummy” for permission to do something. Would you need such a man?
3. Be interesting!
Don’t become one of those women who sit at home with children, look like hell and are only able to cook. If you are like that, don’t be surprised when your husband finds someone more attractive. And don’t tell that she has more time to take care of herself. If you want to find it too – you will. Men are in a way like children. They will not always take into consideration your problems and see that you possibly did not find enough time to take care of everything. But they will see another woman who does so. I’m glad when your husband is a lucky exception!
4. Share a common hobby!
Yes, women who found a way to share something with their partners are more likely to secure their relationship. You should not try to replace his male friends! You never will – it’s just different. But you can try to participate in his activities that represent some kind of an interest for you. You’ll see – he will see you with different eyes.
I wish you all a very happy and successful new year!
Your relationship advisor,